


When One Life Ends, Another Begins

by seidouplaydough



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, Ghoulification, Ghouls, M/M, Misgendering, Murder, Romance, Shirazu is mentioned throughout, Touken, ayahina, ghoul!Mutsuki, ghoul!Saiko, ghoul!Urie, hint of ayahina, kaneki's story with these two dorks, mutsurie, will add more tags as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seidouplaydough/pseuds/seidouplaydough
Summary: There's one thing Mutsuki never thought he would have to live as: a ghoul. His whole life has been nothing but misery and torture, but he finds being a ghoul isn't as bad as it seems.
Relationships: Mutsuki Tooru/Urie Kuki
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Change

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is pretty much kaneki's story in a way?? but there are a lot of changes (obviously) and i don't exactly have this all planned out, so it might be bad.
> 
> tw // slight mention of sexual abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Mutsuki approached the smell, he noticed a man. His pale skin shone in the moonlit alleyway, and his hair was dark. He was covered in blood, but Mutsuki could make out two small moles under his eye.  
> Mutsuki let out a gasp, and the man’s head snapped to the side to look at him. Both of his eyes were red. He was a ghoul.

This can’t be happening. He ran to the mirror, the one kept in his bedroom. There’s no way. No, way, no way. This is impossible.

Dad fed him today. He said he was being a “good girl” today. Mutsuki’s stomach lurched as the words flowed through his head. Or maybe it was the food.

Mutsuki had to have surgery recently. He was in an extremely fatal accident with a friend, causing immense harm to his organs. The friend died. The friend had tried to kill him. He had been a ghoul.

He wasn’t able to eat at the hospital, and he wasn’t now. The food tasted like pure garbage, even though it was his favorite.

Ghouls were the same way. Maybe he was just sick…? He had to be, but it’s been a week and a half.

He stared in the mirror, running a hand over his eye. It was a red kakugan. He stifled a scream, sliding down the wall and sobbing. This is a nightmare. He didn’t want to be a ghoul.

All he knew now was that he was starving. The thought terrified him, but he knew exactly what would happen if he were to starve.

He could smell them. His brother, his mom… his dad. His dad was a horrible man who touched him in places a father should never, while his mom and brother watched. They didn’t care. They were guilty just as much as he was.

He slipped out of his bedroom, closing the door with a soft  _ click _ . Tiptoeing down the hall, he made his way to the living room. Maybe, he thought, he should leave. It would be better that way.

“Where are you going?” asked a deep voice, full of anger. Mutsuki pulled his hood off of his head, hanging his head.

“I… I’m sorry, Daddy,” he said, hating the words escaping his mouth. His father got up from his chair, making his way to him putting a hand on his head.

Then Mutsuki felt a tug as he fell down and was being dragged down the hall. “No, no. Daddy, please! I’m sorry!”

His dad stopped, releasing the grip on his hair. There was the sound of someone gasping, a gurgle of some sort, and then a thud. Mutsuki turned around slowly to find his father, impaled by what seemed to be a kagune. His kagune.

His stomach growled. “Shit,” he mumbled, walking to his father. He was still alive, looking up at Mutsuki as he gasped for air. Blood pooled out of his mouth and stomach, surrounding the area around him.

Before he knew it, he couldn’t control himself. “Sorry, Daddy,” he smiled. He was eating, the gurgling from his father’s mouth eventually dying down. His brother bolted from down the stairs. “Oh my god, Dad?” his eyes widened. “Mom! Mom-”

The kagune impaled him to, making him cough uncontrollably. His mom was here now. Mutsuki wiped his mouth, turned his head to his mom, his one eyed kakugan piercing through her skull.

Mutsuki’s kagune retracted from the torso of his brother as he turned to his mom. “Hiya, Mom.” She screamed, but his kagune launched forward. His brother gurgled something before it eventually stopped.

“Freak.” That was the last thing his mother said before she fell to the floor. Mutsuki fell too, his knees scraping on the hardwood below him.

Looking around at the mess of a scene, his dead mother and brother, his half eaten father, he realized he needed to get out of here. Now. He sobbed, he even screamed, and then he left, not even knowing where he was going.

* * *

It was dark, he was covered in blood, and there was nowhere for him to go. He let out a shaky sigh. Luckily, in this part of town, not a lot of people were out at night. There was a lake nearby, maybe he could wash off there.

Sirens. Oh no. He bolted, sprinting somewhere, anywhere away from the horrific scene he had caused. Left, right, right, straight through an alley he had never been through before. He leaned against a building, catching his breath.

The smell of something filled his nostrils, and he knew it was food. Following the scent, he crept down the alley for something to eat. There was the sound of… grunting? Then something slamming against concrete.

As Mutsuki approached the smell, he noticed a man. His pale skin shone in the moonlit alleyway, and his hair was dark. He was covered in blood, but Mutsuki could make out two small moles under his eye.

Mutsuki let out a gasp, and the man’s head snapped to the side to look at him. Both of his eyes were red. He was a ghoul.

“Woah, you only have one eye?” he asked, his voice monotone with only a slight bit of shock in it. He stepped closer, Mutsuki stepped back. There were more sirens, making Mutsuki freeze.

“You smell… strange. What are you?” he asked. Mutsuki responded with a shrug, not knowing what to say. He could still hear the sirens.

“Urie!” rang a female voice. A short girl with blue hair hopped down from a building, landing behind the man. “Who is this? He smells weird.”

The man who is apparently Urie, shrugged with one shoulder. “I don’t know, he was just here. Any leads?” 

The girl shook her head. “He still isn’t back. It’s been more than a week.” Urie nodded. “Okay. Saiko, wait-”

Saiko stepped up to Mutsuki, her hair bobbing up and down. “He has one eye. What’s your name?” Urie stepped forward.

“U-uh M-Mutsuki. Mutsuki T-Tooru.” He paused. “But I’m not a ghoul- I mean, I’m a human… I think. I-”

Saiko let out a whistle. “Your eye says otherwise,” she said, pointing right under his eye. Urie rolled his eyes.

“Can we please go now?” he asked, his voice still monotone. Saiko glared at him.

“Be patient, you need to clean off first. You’re filthy.” He rolled his eyes with his arms crossed. “Well, are you coming or not?” she asked.

“Where to?” Mutsuki asked. An apartment? A house? Another alleyway?

“Aogiri Tree,” Saiko said. Urie nudged her arm.

“Tatara isn’t going to appreciate letting strangers into Aogiri,” Urie cut in.

Mutsuki remembered the sirens and the events that had happened just before. He wanted to because he needed somewhere to go. But Aogiri Tree? He had heard it’s extremely dangerous. He shook his head.

Urie shrugged, and they both left, leaving Mutsuki alone.

* * *

Urie and Saiko entered the building, making their way down the long hallway to Aogiri headquarters. Saiko sighed, and Urie looked down at her. “What?” She looked up at Urie.

“We shouldn’t have left him there. He looked scared-” Saiko got a notification on her phone. “Oh, it’s an emergency alert. Probably a ghoul attack or something.” She clicked on it anyway to see which one of her comrades got themselves in trouble this time.

Saiko’s eyes widened. Urie noticed, snatching the phone from her hands. “It’s him.”

_ Tragedy has struck tonight, the murder of three people killed in a ghoul attack just a few short hours ago. They had another child too, Mutsuki Tooru. We suspect that she ran away and escaped from the ghoul(s). If you have any information on her whereabouts, please contact the police. _

The article also mentioned his address.

“I wonder why the article says ‘she’,” Saiko pointed out. Urie shook his head.

“Damn, he wiped out his entire family? They were human?” Urie looked back at Saiko. “Maybe he was telling the truth. He’s not a ghoul. But he definitely isn’t human either. (Then what is he?)”

“A half-breed?” Saiko asked. Urie nodded.

“Probably. I wonder how or why that even happened.” Saiko grabbed her phone back from his hands. She shrugged.

“Who knows except maybe him. We should find him,” she said. Urie agreed.

“Eto would be interested in something such as herself,” Urie added as they both made their way to the alley that the boy was in beforehand.

There was no sign of Mutsuki. Saiko checked around every corner. “I don’t see him,” she said.

“Here, let’s split up,” Urie added. Saiko nodded, and Urie began searching again. He searched most of the alleys around the area, but still found nothing. He tried to think of where he might be, but nothing came up.

Then he remembered the address on the article he read. Maybe he went there, but why? There were probably police there.

Sighing, he made his way to the house. When he arrived, he noticed that the police were gone, but the place was caution taped off.

Urie opened the door to the house. There was blood on the floor to the living room that he noticed as soon as he walked in. It didn’t bother him, he was a ghoul after all. But knowing this was the act of a boy killing his parents was a little unsettling.

On the other side of the white couch, now covered in blood, he saw the top of a green head.

“Uh, Mutsuki, was it?” Urie said quietly. He saw the boy jump a little but looked up at him with big green eyes. He nodded.

“They deserved it,” Mutsuki said. “I didn’t do this for no reason.” Urie walked closer to him.

“(Dramatic much?) What, uh… happened? How are you-” Mutsuki shook his head.

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t. For the past week my appetite has been… horrible. And then I saw my eye and…” he trailed off.

“(This boy’s useless) Okay, well. We’re from Aogiri Tree as you know. We want you to come with us.”

“But I… I don’t-” Urie cut Mutsuki off.

“Look, you don’t have to. But if you don’t, you’re being stupid. You would starve to death, I know it. You wouldn’t make it by yourself,” Urie said bluntly because he wasn’t going to sugarcoat it, it was the truth. This boy, in a world he doesn’t know. He’d be dead in a second.

Mutsuki looked down at the blood on the floor, furrowing his eyebrows slightly, and then looked up at Urie. “Okay,” he finally said. “Lead the way.” Urie gave him a nod as Mutsuki stood, and they both met up with Saiko, making their way to Aogiri Tree.

* * *

When they arrived, Mutsuki was put into a room near Urie and Saiko. The part of the building they were in consisted of four rooms, but now that Mutsuki was here, only one empty one remained. He wondered who it belonged to if anyone at all.

“In the morning, you have to meet Eto. She's one eyed, just like you. Except she was born with it,” Saiko said to him, showing him to his room. “You’ll also have to train, most likely with Urie since he’s pretty strong.”

Saiko spoke on, but she talked so much that Mustuki found himself spacing out. “Okay?” she asked soon after, and Mutsuki broke out of his trance.

“Oh, okay. Yeah.” Having no idea what she said, he questioned what he had just gotten himself into. Saiko nodded.

“Well, goodnight,” she said. “Get some rest. I know it’s been a pretty crazy night for you.” Mutsuki stared at her as she walked out of his room.

There was a shower in here as well. Finally, he could get clean. He showered, feeling the hot water on his skin sting him.

After he showered, he let out a satisfied sigh of relief, collapsing onto the small bed in the room. Albeit, it was quite uncomfortable, but it was better than nothing.

Finally letting his drowsiness take over, he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.


	2. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urie walked him down a few flights of stairs, and it was so creepy that it gave him chills. They finally arrived at a door that really stood out once they opened it.  
> The room was bigger than the others he had seen, dark and cold. As soon as they entered it, a girl wrapped head to toe in bandages rushed up to him.

The next morning, Mutsuki was woken up to someone shaking him, not at all being gentle. If he was being honest, it kind of hurt.

His eyes were still heavy, but he forced them open and was met with the sight of the dark haired boy, Urie. He groaned, all the events of the night before coming back to him at once.

“Wake up, we have to meet Eto,” he said, not at all interested in doing so, and Mutsuki just assumed Saiko forced him to.

He forced himself up because he was honestly kind of scared of Urie, and the last thing he wanted was him to get angry or even more annoyed than he already was. Once he was up, Urie tossed him a pair of clothes.

“You’re small, so I figured this should fit you. Get dressed and meet me down the hall in two minutes, or I’ll make you find your way there yourself.” Urie left the room, closing the door behind him. Mutsuki hurried out of his clothes and into his new ones. They were kind of big on him.

Urie walked him down a few flights of stairs, and it was so creepy that it gave him chills. They finally arrived at a door that really stood out once they opened it.

The room was bigger than the others he had seen, dark and cold. As soon as they entered it, a girl wrapped head to toe in bandages rushed up to him.

“Hello, you must be Mutsuki!” she said, her voice sounding way more optimistic than it should. “I’m Eto, I’m sure you’ve heard about me. I’ve heard about you.”

Mutsuki nodded. “I- uh- I have, yeah.” He definitely felt awkward. They made such a big deal about Eto, he expected her to be more… scary. She seemed welcoming.

“Well, hopefully it wasn’t bad. I’m sure being one eyed yourself that we can get along,” she spoke, her voice raising a pitch higher.

Urie gave Eto a very suggesting look, which made her clasp her hands together. “Oh yes, of course.” She grabbed his hand, pulling him deeper into the room. There was another man here, who was much scarier than her. He had white hair and wore a mask of some sort.

“This is Tatara,” she motioned to the man. He looked unamused, and it sort of reminded him of Urie in a way, besides the fact that Urie looked less threatening.

Mutsuki stood in the same place, still feeling extremely uncomfortable around these ghouls. Urie spoke up. “So we’re here about the why, right?” he asked. Eto nodded enthusiastically.

“Of course! Mutsuki, why are you a ghoul right now?” Mutsuki’s eyes widened. He didn’t know. He had no idea why he was in this situation.

He shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. Eto’s face didn’t move because of the bandages, but he had a feeling that she was smiling.

“Dr. Kanou” was all she offered.

Dr. Kanou was the name of the doctor who treated him after the accident. The friend he was with… he died. But there’s no way that… that had to have been impossible.

“I recognize that look on your face, and you’re right. Partly anyway. You see the friend you were with… Shirazu, right?” Urie’s eyes lowered, and Mutsuki could feel his scowl pierce through his skull.

“You mean,” he said, “he’s dead...? Why didn’t you-”

“Because, Urie, you’re strong. We couldn’t have your emotions getting in the way of your power,” Eto interrupted. Urie looked angry, hurt, but said nothing.

“Anyway, Mutsuki. You’re a special case… you see, his organs were put inside of you. Ginshi was an Ukaku, but you’re a Bikaku.” She intertwined her fingers together. “It really is strange, and there’s no explanation for it.”

Mutsuki was shocked to say the least. His kagune changed? It was weird, yes, but what scared him the most was the fact that he had ghoul organs inside of him. That was the reason he was a ghoul right now.

“Urie,” Eto said again, “I want you to help him. Train him, help him with feeding.” Urie’s face was still expressionless, but his eyes widened just a bit.

“What? Why not you or Tatara?”

“Like I said before, you’re powerful. Besides Tatara and I have better things to do.” She and Urie stared at each other for what seemed like a long minute before he sighed and nodded.

“Come on,” he motioned for Mutsuki to follow him, and he did as he was told as Urie led him to a small room. As soon as they entered it, he felt something slam him against the wall.

“Be ready for anything,” Urie stated firmly. “You need to learn to activate your kagune.” Mutsuki rubbed the back of his head, feeling something that was probably blood.

“I don’t know if you remember or not, but I just recently became a ghoul,” Mutsuki said through gritted teeth. “I can’t do it willingly.”

Urie walked closer to Mutsuki, his kagune out. “Then you’d better learn quickly because if you don’t, you’re done for.” Urie stepped back a little. “Now, let’s try again.”

For hours, Mutsuki and Urie fought. Of course, it was more like Urie fought Mutsuki because he was always hurt in some way or knocked to the ground with a single blow. Not once had his kagune activated.

But Urie kept going, and Mutsuki kept trying. It got to a point where Mutsuki couldn’t stand back up.

“(Pathetic.) We’ll try again tomorrow. Bright and early. And then you’re going to have to learn to kill to eat. I’m not going to do it for you.”

Urie walked out of the room, leaving Mutsuki gasping for air on the floor. He was covered in sweat and blood. It took him ages to not only find his room but to climb the stairs to even get there.

The next few weeks were the same thing. Urie knocked him down, against walls, pierced him with his kagune.

Urie finally gave up. “Listen, you need to eat. You need to get your strength up because this isn’t working.”

Mutsuki nodded, and this time Urie helped him up. “Come on, there’s a place we can go.”

* * *

Him and Urie went into a wooded area, a place typically used for camping. “Campers here are usually really spread out, so it’s perfect,” he said.

Mutsuki was hesitant to say the least. “I don’t know if I can…” Mutsuki said, looking down. “I mean, I can’t just murder these people.”

“(Of course you can’t.) Look, just watch. This one,” he pointed to a lone tent, “there’s only two people here.” He jumped from their little perch, staying hidden. Mutsuki followed, and they both snuck up to the tent.

Urie released his kagune, ripping inside the tent. He killed the first person he saw on sight, leaving the other one alive. He motioned to Mutsuki.

“P-please, don’t…” said the woman in front of him. Mutsuki didn’t know what to do. He looked at Urie who gave him a look that said “do it.”

Remembering his dad, Urie pushing him around, and all of the shitty things life had dealt him thus far, he felt his kakugan activate and something pushing out of his back. His kagune.

The woman wasn’t even screaming, just hyperventilating, and for some reason, it made this so much easier for him.

Her body grew limp as his kagune pushed through her chest, then dropped her with a  _ thud. _ Mutsuki didn’t even wait, he just knelt down, ripping at the skin of the woman, chewing like it was the best thing he had ever tasted. It  _ was  _ the best thing he had ever tasted.

He couldn’t believe how easy it was to do something like that, but he didn’t dwell on it. The fact that he did so was something to celebrate.

After feeding, he stood, wiping his mouth of his sleeve, leaving his clothes more bloodied.

Urie’s expression was that of shock, but he said something Mutsuki never thought he would hear him say. “Good job.”

Mutsuki and Urie made their way back to Aogiri to train once more. They did so for weeks, and after Mutsuki learned to actually release his kagune, he found he was excited for his training sessions with Urie. He wasn’t perfect at it, but sometimes he would actually knock Urie down, and he knew he was improving.

Urie was still extremely harsh, but Mutsuki learned that’s just how he was. Saiko had told him he was the same way to her, he just had to “warm up” to him.

One week, when they were training, he released his kagune, stabbing through Urie’s abdomen. He fell to the ground when he was released. That was the first time Mutsuki had used his kagune to actually attack him like that.

Mutsuki was about to go to him and apologize, but he realized he was… “Urie, are you actually smiling?” Mutsuki asked, a smirk crossing his face. The smile quickly faded.

“(Why would I smile?) Of course not. Now come on, let’s keep going.” But Mutsuki knew what he saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this chapter is shorter, but idk tbh. anyway, this is more of an explanation/relationship building chapter. some things may or may not make sense because i do not have this mapped out at all. hope you enjoy nonetheless!


	3. Growing Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s so funny?” Urie asked him, and Mutsuki’s green eyes lit with a sort of passion in them as he answered.  
> “We’re not dead,” he responded. Urie nodded.  
> “Yeah, we’re not.”

“Cover me!” Urie lunged forward, his kagune out in front of him.

“Got it!” Mutsuki’s kagune attacked two of the men in front of them, sending them backwards and crashing into a building. Saiko took the chance to take out the other one.

“Come on, we have to get inside.” Urie motioned for them to follow, and they did, running inside the building to the upper floor.

Mutsuki looked around. “Shit,” he mumbled, seeing the shadows of more CCG guards. He ran back, taking out the guards. Saiko followed, releasing her kagune to take out another one.

The last one whipped out her quinque, making Mutsuki’s knees go weak. But he pretended he wasn’t scared, whipping his kagune at the woman’s hand. 

Her quinque busted through the window of the building, leaving her defenseless. Mutsuki’s kagune impaled her, throwing her out the window like she was garbage.

Turning back, they looked down every hall for Urie. It took them a while, but they eventually found him at a computer.

“What are we even doing here?” Mutsuki asked. Neither Urie or Saiko had told him what they were even going to be doing during the mission. He shouldn’t have even agreed to go, but Eto insisted.

“We need to delete any and all information on Aogiri Tree and all locations, members, anything.” Urie looked through every file, deleting everything he came across. He checked everything once more to make sure it was gone.

“Saiko.” She nodded. He then used his kagune to destroy the computer. Siko went to every file cabinet, putting everything in a pile on the floor and burning it. Urie watched as the fire grew.

“We need to go, now.” Urie gave him a nod, then took one last look at the files. They were unsalvageable.

The three turned back, hopping out of the building. Their mission was complete, and they were alive.

When they were back at Aogiri, they collapsed on the couch in Urie’s room. Saiko was huffing and gasping for air. Mutsuki started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Urie asked him, and Mutsuki’s green eyes lit with a sort of passion in them as he answered.

“We’re not dead,” he responded. Urie nodded.

“Yeah, we’re not.”

* * *

Mutsuki woke up screaming. His nightmares have gotten worse over the course of the past two months after joining Aogiri. They had recently started sending him on missions regularly, which only made them  _ worse. _

The slamming of a door rang through the room, bringing Mutsuki back to reality and making him sob. Urie stood in the doorway, not knowing what to do. Mutsuki had never screamed before, just woke up crying. 

He felt embarrassed that Urie of all people had to see him like this. This was the one night Saiko wasn’t home.

Mutsuki tried to speak through his sobs, which were slowly calming down. “S-sorry.” He wiped his eyes. “Don’t worry, it was just a n-nightmare… I’m okay.” He managed a smile.

“(Worry? I’m not worried.)” But if he wasn’t worried, why was he making his way to sit on Tooru’s bed and putting a hand on his knee. “(I’m not worried. Just stop crying.)”

Mutsuki looked back up at Urie, his eyes gleaming from tears. He sniffed.

“Do you want to talk about it? (Why am I sounding like I care?)” Mutsuki brought his knees to his chest, making Urie’s hand slide off. Now his hand felt empty.

“Um, it was just about- my parents. Well, my dad.” Mutsuki paused. “He’s usually really prominent in my nightmares. Our missions have been making it worse, I guess.”

Urie brought his hands into his lap, looking at the wall in front of him. “I’m… sorry about that.” Urie assumed his parents were horrible people considering what he had done to them. It must have been awful for him.

Mutsuki shook his head and shrugged. “Being born into a house like that. I probably-” he cut himself off. “Dad used to drag me to the bathroom by my hair, put my head underwater.” His voice got angrier as he spoke. “Then my mom and brother would watch as he- um- sorry, nevermind. I think I want to go back to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Urie was hesitant, but stood anyway, closing the door behind him. What did his father do? It doesn’t matter, he didn’t care after all, did he?

* * *

During training the next day, Mutsuki was much weaker in his attacks. It’s almost as if he was tired and drained. He tried to release his kagune, but nothing. The more he failed, the angrier he got.

Clenching his fists to his sides, Mutsuki screamed. “Ugh, I can’t do it!” It probably looked to Urie like Mutsuki was throwing a tantrum right now. To be fair, he kind of was.

“Focus. Just like before. You’ve been doing so well.” Urie stared at Mutsuki and saw that his face was red. “Does this have anything to do with last night?”

Mutsuki looked to the side, feeling tears burn and block his vision. He rubbed his arms. “I don’t know, maybe,” he stated dryly. Urie cocked his head to the side.

“I would say so. You have to focus on what’s happening right now and just get over it,” Urie narrowed his eyes. “Or you’re gonna be a burden on missions.”

Regret drowned Urie as soon as he said that, and Mutsuki felt as if a boulder had just crushed his entire body.

“Go to hell, Urie. You have no idea-” Mutsuki shut his eyes tight, trying to block the tears from falling down his face. “You’re always doing that! Pushing me around and putting me down.”

Urie stood there, not knowing what to say or do. He knew he should say something, but he felt no matter if he spoke or not, it was going to make things worse.

Mutsuki looked at Urie, and actually looking into his eyes, the hurt there Urie felt his heart ache. “I can’t just… get over it.”

He could have said something else, explained himself. But he found that he didn’t want to and instead ran back to his room.

Urie gritted his teeth. “Shit,” he mumbled. “Mutsuki,” he called after him, following him. Somehow, Mutsuki was already far ahead of him.

When he got to their part of the building, he knocked on Mutsuki’s door. “Mutsuki, are you in there?” No answer.

He sighed, tried the door, but it was locked. He leaned against the door, sliding down until he felt the ground beneath him, and put his head in his hands.

There was a noise on the other side, it kind of sounded like crying. It was definitely crying. Urie felt like such an asshole now.

“Look, I’m… I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have said that. (Can you be anymore disingenuous?) Urie leaned his head against the door, and the muffled cries grew louder as he did.

“I just don’t-” he can’t believe he was admitting this to not only Mutsuki but to himself as well. “I don’t want you to get yourself killed. That’s why I’m so hard on you.”

He heard something shift on the other side, but he continued. “All the training we’ve done and missions we’ve been on. It’s shown me that you’re actually extremely capable. I know you are.”

“You don’t know completely how the ghoul world is.”

“If you’re weak, you’re going to die.”

“You didn’t ask for this, and I’m sorry.”

Even with the door between them, the tension was heavy. He heard shifting again, and then the weight of the door was removed from his back, making him fall back a bit.

He stood, instantly being faced with Mutsuki. His face was puffy and red from crying. His hands shook at his sides, and he refused to hold eye contact with him.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Mutsuki mumbled, wiping his eyes. There was no arguing with that, he definitely was.

“Yeah.” Urie put a hand behind his head. “Do you forgive me?” Mutsuki looked at him, their eyes meeting at exactly the same time.

“I’ll think about it.” He rubbed his arms, and Urie nodded.

“Uh, Eto actually told me there’s a mission coming up in about a month. It’s supposed to be a big one,” Urie crossed his arms and leaned back on his heels. “She wants you to come.”

Mutsuki smiled. “You think I’m ready for a big mission?” he asked, not really sure himself. He had no idea if he was strong enough. By big mission, he assumed Urie meant it was against the CCG, and although he had fought against them before, they would probably be prepared this time.

“I do,” he said, his voice sounding sure. Mutsuki sighed, but it wasn’t in annoyance. It was almost like a sigh of relief. Mutsuki put his hand on Urie’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said. Then he retreated back into his room, closing the door, and gently sitting on his bed with his hands in his lap. He couldn’t let Urie see how nervous he was.


	4. Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I ask you something?” Urie stayed silent as if to say “go ahead,” so Mutsuki continued. “Why did you join Aogiri?” It was a good question that, surprisingly, Urie had the answer to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // flashback/mention of sexual abuse, gender dysphoria  
> PLEASE IF YOU WEAR A BINDER, BE CAREFUL AND SAFE!!
> 
> also, yes, i have re-uploaded this chapter 3 times lmao i needed to fix some things, sorry. but it should make some more sense now i believe?

During the month leading up to the big mission, Urie and Mutsuki found themselves around each other much more than just training and small jobs Aogiri have them. They were almost together 24/7 with one in the other’s room just enjoying each other’s company.

All they really did most of the time was it there. Sometimes they wouldn’t even talk, they would just do their own thing. It was calming and gave them a break from reality for a bit.

“So… who’s this new guy?” Mutsuki asked, grabbing his jacket off of his chair. Urie sat on his bed, a pencil in hand, drawing something. He was always drawing.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, I was just informed about him. His name is Karao Saeki. Apparently, he’s not exactly… right in the head. (He’s a psychopath.)” Urie kept his eyes on his sketchbook.

“How so?” Mutsuki asked.

Urie looked up. “Apparently, he dismembers and decapitates women, taking only their torso with him.” Urie shook his head. “They call him Torso.”

Mutsuki sat at the foot of the bed, feeling goosebumps form on his arms. “Hm. Aogiri’s getting kind of desperate, aren’t they?”

“It seems that way. Anyway, Tatara needs to see us about tomorrow, so we should get going.” Placing the sketchbook down, he stood, adjusting the gloves on his hands. Mutsuki meant to ask him why he wore those.

When they arrived, they were met with a ghoul who looked like he hadn’t eaten in… years. He was thin and tall. His cheeks sunk in to a point that his eyes were almost too big for his face. His hair, short and black, was also extremely unkempt. It was unsettling to say the least.

As soon as Saeki laid eyes on Mutsuki, he wouldn’t take them off. It sent a shiver down his spine. He sped up to get closer to Urie.

Urie noticed Torso’s eye’s on Mutsuki. Looking at him, he noticed the uneasiness in the boy’s posture. Torso kept staring.

Mutsuki turned to Urie, mumbling “Can we just hurry and get to Eto?” Urie nodded, grabbing Mutsuki’s elbow and leading him faster out of the room. Urie saw Saiko and started them towards her. When Mutsuki was out of sight, he let out a relieved sigh.

The whole time Tatara was talking, Mutsuki just couldn’t focus. Torso’s eyes burned in the back of his brain. He knew that he was a deranged ghoul, but why him? Why did he have to stare at  _ him? _

Not only that, but the mission was tomorrow. He had no idea how a month had gone by so fast, but it had. And now he might die tomorrow. There was a chance he wouldn’t with Urie and Saiko protecting him. Besides, he had gotten much stronger.

There was a muffling of voices, but he was too lost in his thoughts to pay attention. “Mucchan… Mucchan!” The voice got louder, making Mutsuki snap out of his trance.

“Huh?” Saiko looked at him with concerned eyes.

“The meeting’s over,” she said. “Are you okay?” Mutsuki nodded and flashed her a smile.

“I’m okay, I just spaced out. Come on.” Mutsuki began walking towards their rooms, and because Saiko didn’t know about Torso, she thought nothing of it. But Urie knew better. This Torso guy didn’t sit right to Urie at all, so he couldn’t imagine how Mutsuki must feel.

“Well, we should get to bed,” Saiko said, beginning to walk to their part of the building. Urie followed. When they reached it, they parted ways, making their way to their respected rooms. As soon as Saiko was in her “sanctuary” as she called it, Urie slipped over to Mutsuki’s room.

He opened the door slowly and quietly, whispering his name into the darkness. “Come in,” said the other voice.

Urie closed the door, going to sit on the bed next to Mutsuki. He turned the bedside lamp on so they could see.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Mutsuki asked, sitting crossed legged and leaning forward slightly. Urie nodded, leaning his head back a bit and rubbing his eyes.

“I’ve never been nervous about something this big. I don’t know why this time it’s so different. (I think it’s because-)” His thoughts were cut off by Mutsuki’s next reply.

“Is it… is it because of me?” He kept his hands in his lap, avoiding eye contact with Urie. He noticed it was something he did when nervous.

“(Yes.) No,” Urie said. “That’s not it. (Liar.)” He was so nervous that something might happen to Mutsuki. He shouldn’t have even mentioned it to him, but even after he tried to talk him out of it, Mutsuki said he wanted to.

Who was he trying to prove himself to?

“I don’t feel comfortable with that Torso guy going with us. I don’t know, I just have a bad feeling about him.” Urie looked at Mutsuki, who was fidgeting with his fingers.

“(I know. I don’t trust him either.) I’m sure it’ll be okay. Try to stay with me or Saiko if you can,” Urie said. Mutsuki nodded, but the feeling in his stomach didn’t go away. He felt physically ill thinking about Torso or the mission at all.

They had been silent for a while now, but it wasn’t the same silence it usually was between them. It was awkward this time, the tension was at an all time high.

“Can I ask you something?” Urie stayed silent as if to say “go ahead,” so Mutsuki continued. “Why did you join Aogiri?” It was a good question that, surprisingly, Urie had the answer to.

“(You had to ask, huh?) My dad, when I was a kid. He was killed by investigators. He was a part of Aogiri too. My mother had died the same way years before. I guess I thought,” he paused for a second, but continued, “joining Aogiri would help me avenge them.”

Mutsuki felt his heart ache for Urie. He couldn’t imagine how it must feel to lose a mother… a father… that loved you.

Urie shifted on the bed uncomfortably. He didn’t usually talk about his father. Actually, he  _ never  _ talked about his father.

“Can I ask  _ you _ something?” Urie asked, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. He didn’t even wait for a response, he just asked it, even if the question was weird and a little straightforward. “Have you ever been kissed?”

Mutsuki felt his heart speed up instantly as a whole wave of anxiety spread through his body. “U-uh, well- no. Not consensually anyway.”

That response made him regret even asking such a question. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Nevermind, forget I asked.”

“Why’d you even-” A huge grin spread across Mutsuki’s face. “Oh my god, you want to kiss me, don’t you?”

“No.”

“Yeah, you do.” Mutsuki’s grin grew wider as he leaned closer. “Hey,” he said gently, “look at me.” Urie did as he was told on the spot, almost as if Mutsuki had full control over him.

Their faces were inches apart. Leaning forward just a little bit more would have closed the distance between them.

“Do it then,” Mutsuki said. Urie’s eyes widened, but he found that every second Mutsuki was this close to his face, the stronger the urge was to just do it. So he leaned forward.

At first, the kiss was rushed, slightly awkward and small. But then Mutsuki went in again, this time both of them hungrier for the other. Mutsuki grabbed a hold onto Urie’s shirt, pulling him closer.

He leaned back, pulling Urie on top of him. The kissing didn’t stop, it only grew with intensity and lust as Mutsuki’s hands explored all over Urie’s body. Up his shirt, tracing every muscle on his chest. Mutsuki broke apart for a second to completely remove his shirt.

Urie did the same, his hand running through Mutsuki’s shirt and slowly up Mutsuki’s back. It was such an amazing feeling that Mutsuki almost forgot that he was wearing a binder. Urie didn’t know.

But even as Urie’s fingers touched the binder, he didn’t say anything or question it. He started taking off his shirt too, and Mutsuki let him. Even after the binder was exposed and obvious, Urie didn’t question it.

Mutsuki gave him a look, one of confusion. Urie smiled and shook his head. “It’s okay, Mutsuki.” Urie didn’t think it was weird? He wasn’t mad he hadn’t told him?

Running his fingers through Urie’s hair, Mutsuki felt the whole world melt away. Tomorrow was just a blur and Torso’s eyes burning in the back of his mind were nonexistent.

He wanted this. He had wanted this for a while, ever since he realized he was falling for Urie over the past month. His feelings grew with each passing day they were together, and now it was happening.

_ “Show me some respect.” He was drowning, gasping for air as his head was pulled from the water. There was no chance to speak, his hair was yanked as his head was pushed back into the water. _

_ “Dad-” Underwater again. _

_ “Say it.” The voice was angry and full of hate. _

_ “You’re the best! You’re the best Dad-” His lungs filled with water. He came up coughing. His dad pulled him by his hair, dragging him to his bedroom as he screamed. He knew what was coming next. _

_ And his mom just watched. She did nothing. _

Mutsuki broke away from the kiss they were in, scrambling backward and screaming.  _ No, no, no. _

He couldn’t look at the face in front of him. It was his dad, he knew it was his dad.

“Mutsuki,” he heard a voice say. That wasn’t his father’s voice. No, that was Urie. Urie. He was with Urie. His dad was dead.

“I-I’m sorry. I just… it’s nothing. I’m okay.” Urie just looked at him, and although his expression didn’t change much, Mutsuki could see the concern there.

“No, you’re not.” Urie but a hand on his face, and his touch was so gentle. He hated that this was happening. The trauma his father put him through was so much that it was affecting him even with someone he truly loved.

Mutsuki felt Urie’s arms wrap around him, and he leaned his head onto his chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes as Urie rubbed his back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Urie mumbled into his ear, and Mutsuki pulled away. He shrugged.

“Your dad, from what you told me, he sounded like a good man. My dad, he wasn’t so great.” Mutsuki looked down to the bed, fumbling with his hands.

Urie watched as he began to scratch at his arms, his fingernails digging deep into his arms and leaving red lines. “If you don’t mind me asking… what did he do to you?” he asked, not for one second taking his eyes off of Mutsuki.

The air in the room grew heavy, but Mutsuki let out a shaky sigh as he continued. “He would drown my head in the water as I told you before. Once I listened, praised him, he would drag me to my room and… well…” Urie nodded. He knew what he was saying, and he didn’t want Mutsuki to have to say it if it made him feel uncomfortable.

“He did that almost everyday,” Mutsuki said, his voice getting angrier. Memories of the events flooded his mind as he then dug his fingernails into his hands.

Urie put his hand gently around his wrist, telling him to stop. “Hey,” he said. A pair of green eyes looked up at him as he held his wrist.

Safe. He was safe. Urie was safe. He was gentle, he wasn’t pulling his hair or squeezing his wrist. The touch of Urie’s cold hand on his skin wasn’t out of malice, it was full of love and concern for him.

That was all Mutsuki had ever wanted. He had just wanted to be loved, for someone to show that they cared about him. For someone not to abuse him in more ways than one.

Urie placed a small kiss on Mutsuki’s head. “We should stop for now.” Mutsuki opened his mouth to protest, but the look Urie gave him told him that he wasn’t going to change his mind.

“So you don’t want to?” Mutsuki asked, a little disappointed.

“It’s not that, and you know it.” Urie gave Mutsuki a small smile. “If you want to, I can sleep in here with you.”

Mutsuki smiled too, giving Urie the only answer he needed. Urie got up to shut the light off, but Mutsuki stopped him.

“Uh, one second. I need to… do something.” Mutsuki went to the bathroom, removing his binder. Looking in the mirror, seeing himself shirtless without his binder on, made his dysphoria kick in instantly. He thought he was going to scream.

He left the bathroom a few minutes later, his arms crossed at his chest as crawled into bed with Urie, shutting the light off as he did.

They both laid there, just enjoying the presence of each other. It was peaceful, calm. Tomorrow would be different.


	5. A Different Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stood, grabbing onto his communicator. “This is Juuzou Suzuya of the Suzuya squad. We found a ghoul that is to be taken into custody.” His voice was very high pitched, it sounded female. His tone wasn’t even serious, he spoke like this was all a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo boy, hi. this ended up being like 4 pages long. it doesn't look that long on here but oh my god, it's so long on google docs

Mutsuki woke up early that morning. Today was the day, and neither of them could hide their nervousness.

They had to meet Aogiri before sundown. Urie was already up, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and drawing something in his sketchbook.

He looked over, seeing that Mutsuki was awake and smiled. It was nice to see this side of Urie that no one else got to see. The kind side, the side of him that genuinely cared for the people around him. The side of him that smiled.

The instant Mutsuki was up, he went to the bathroom, hurriedly putting his binder on. He didn’t want his dysphoria ruining today. Because it could be his last.

He sat on the bed beside Urie, watching him draw the outline of a person. Urie was extremely talented. He definitely could have made it as an artist. He could  _ still _ make it as an artist if he really wanted to.

Mutsuki leaned his head on Urie’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have told you about this,” was all Urie said, keeping his eyes on his sketchbook. Mutsuki lifted his head slightly, looking up at Urie with a confused expression.

Urie still didn’t look at him, he just kept drawing. Mutsuki’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why? You don’t think I’m ready, do you?”

Urie’s hands stopped moving. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “That’s not what I said.” His eyes shot over to glance at Mutsuki.

“No, but it’s what you meant.” Urie shook his head.

“Mutsuki-”

“I’m going,” Mutsuki said. “Why are you so worried that something will happen? I’ll be fine.” Mutsuki’s voice raised a little at the last part.

“(Because I love you.) Because I care about you, and I’m just afraid,” he admitted.

Mutsuki completely took his head off of Urie’s shoulder. “I can take care of myself,” he said, getting up and making his way to the bathroom.

“I know-” but Mutsuki had already slammed the door, making Urie flinch a little bit. “(I’m sorry, Mutsuki.)” He knew he should leave him alone, but the last thing he wanted was to go into battle while he and Mutsuki were fighting. So he made his way to the bathroom.

The door was unlocked, and he found Mutsuki standing in front of the mirror. Urie stood in the doorway.

“Mutsuki, listen,” Urie started, “You’re strong, I know that.” He walked forward a bit, his hand reaching out to touch Mutsuki’s shoulder. “I think I’m just scared because I just… got you. I don’t want to lose you, no matter how small that chance may be.”

Mutsuki jerked his shoulder away. “I- I just-”

“Tooru.” Mutsuki’s eyebrows shot up at the use of his first name. Urie’s hand was on his shoulder now, grabbing him firmly and pulling him close.

At first Mutsuki didn’t hug him back, but after a minute, he slowly wrapped his arms around Urie’s body. The embrace made Mutsuki feel safe just as it did Urie. They were safe as long as they were together.

* * *

The next hours after that were spent with them getting prepared. They trained for the most part, making sure that they were completely ready.

It was almost sundown, and they were finally ready to leave. They met up with Saiko before making their way to the upcoming battle.

Some of Aogiri had their masks on, including Mutsuki and Urie. Some people cared so little about their identity that they didn’t even bother.

Mutsuki could feel his hands shaking, but he looked at Urie who was beside him. In the dark under the moonlight, his features were much sharper, more defined. The look in his eyes showed that he was ready for anything, but there was fear there too. Only Mutsuki could see it.

The CCG was already there, but Aogiri was ready for them. They split into teams. “Mutsuki, Urie, Saiko, we need reinforcements up there,” ordered Tatara, pointing towards the north. “Lookouts have concluded there are some investigators there heading this way, and we need them wiped out.”

They made their way there, being met with a large group of investigators. Urie noticed another group of investigators a little farther out, and they needed to be wiped out. As soon as they were met with each other, the fighting began.

“Hey!” Urie yelled to Mutsuki, still fighting. “I think there are some a little over that way,” He pointed more east. “Think you can take them before they get to the others?” Mutsuki nodded, dodging a quinque, then running toward the area Urie was pointing to.

“(I know you can.)” Urie continued to fight as Mutsuki ran to his destination.

Urie dropped his guard to watch Mutsuki. “Watch out!” Saiko shouted. Saiko attacked the quinque coming at Urie with her kagune. Urie used that chance to take the human out. He nodded his thanks.

Mutsuki took out about two investigators on his way there, and upon his arrival, he was met with a few more. There weren’t many, just a few. He could do this.

But then he felt something tear through his abdomen. He coughed, blood pouring from his mouth. There were more behind him, hiding.

He saw a short, child-like investigator with black hair and stitches on his face. The rest of his body was covered in armor. Mutsuki honestly had a hard time believing that he even worked for the CCG.

The investigator grinned, ripping the mask off of Mutsuki. “I don’t usually take ghouls in, but you,” she kneeled down, looking into Mutsuki’s face. “You're one eye. You’re with Aogiri, and we need new leads.”

He stood, grabbing onto his communicator. “This is Juuzou Suzuya of the Suzuya squad. We found a ghoul that is to be taken into custody.” His voice was very high pitched, it sounded female. His tone wasn’t even serious, he spoke like this was all a game.

Static filled the air as the communicator responded. “Right away.” The two investigators behind Mutsuki cuffed his hands. He squirmed, but they gripped his shoulders tightly, steering him toward a truck and shoving him in. They chained him to the floor.

Mutsuki took one last look outside, seeing a ghoul from Aogiri on a perch where investigators couldn’t see her. She leaped away for what he assumed was to tell the others. Were they even going to try to rescue him?

The truck drove away, and that’s when Mutsuki froze in fear. He thought he was going to cry.

* * *

After fighting for what felt like forever, Urie and Saiko had taken out the remaining investigators on their side, so they decided to make sure Mutsuki was doing okay. Making their way east, they saw no one. Not even Mutsuki.

“Mutsuki!” He shouted. Saiko’s blue hair bounced as she ran to help Urie look. They looked for minutes upon minutes, but there was nothing. No sign that he had even been here.

“Wait!” Saiko yelled, picking something up. Her face contorted with sadness as she examined the object. “This is Mucchan’s mask.”

Urie ripped the mask from her hands, his breathing growing heavy. “M… maybe he got away. Come on.” Urie began running, hoping.  _ Hoping.  _ “(Please be okay. Please.)”

The way back was full of jumping over bodies. Bodies of ghouls, fellow comrades. A few of the bodies he didn’t even recognize. Bodies of investigators, their briefcases spread across the bloodied grass.

Urie spotted the large group of ghouls, noticing that the group was smaller than when they had arrived. They had been battling for hours, and everyone was proof of that. They looked tired, sweaty and bloody, but they all still had determined looks on their faces.

When Urie and Saiko arrived at where the others were positioned, covered in sweat and blood themselves, a wave of fear shot through the dark haired boy’s body.

“(No. Why isn’t he here.)”

Eto noticed the two, looking over at them. “Urie, there you are,” she said. He scowled.

“Where’s Mutsuki?” Eto’s head perked up, and she sighed.

“Mutsuki has been captured and sent to Cochlea. Sorry, Urie, he’s gone.” His body tensed, and the only thing he could feel was his heart pounding in his chest. “We have to retreat. There were too many of them, and they’re looking for us.”

He thought he was going to scream. Captured? Fucking Cochlea? Retreat? Are you serious? “Then what are we doing? Mutsuki… we have to help him.” Saiko put a hand on his shoulder.

Tatara’s eyes bore into Urie. “You know that’s not what we do. Let it go, Urie. He was weak anyway.” Urie clenched his fists.

“Aogiri is nothing to you isn’t it? We mean nothing? Shirazu? Mutsuki?” Tatara shook his head.

“Of course you don’t. You’re all just little pawns to me. You’re replaceable.” Tatara turned around. “I thought you had potential. That little nothing changed you, didn’t he?”

Tatara began walking back toward their headquarters, the others following him like lost puppies. It made Urie sick now.

Saiko grabbed his hand, gripping it as she tugged him forward. He gaped at her. She sighed. “I know you don’t want to, but we need to go. Please, don’t make me lose someone else.”

Her expression was sad. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Urie felt horrible for her, but Mutsuki was gone, and now he was empty.

Finally giving up, he forced himself to move forward, following the short girl back to Aogiri.

* * *

It’s been two weeks since Mutsuki was captured. Urie spent all of that time doing two things: working out and planning. Working out helped him think, cleared his mind. The planning part was his plant to break into Cochlea.

He needed people. That was his main downside. He had Saiko, and maybe a few members of Aogiri who had gotten along well with Mutsuki. But Mutsuki was shy, so that group wasn’t very big. Besides, they all kissed Tatara’s ass and always did what he said.

Urie sat on his bed, sighing. “(Please be okay, Mutsuki.)”

* * *

Mutsuki had been put under the custody of the investigator who captured him, Juuzou Suzuya. He was surprisingly nice to him and treated him better than the investigators who did when Juuzou wasn’t there.

His cell was dark, the thick glass window illuminating only the slightest bit of light from the lights in the hallway. It was nice though, being in the dark.

The green haired boy didn’t do much, usually just sat in the corner of his cell and thought. Mostly, he thought about Urie. He wondered what he was doing right now, how he was.

A big light shone through the glass, and out from the dark room in front walked Juuzou, holding something in his hands.

He sat down, opening the small slot underneath the glass. In slipped a book. Mutsuki walked over, picking it up. “Thank you.” He smiled, sitting down in front of Juuzou.

Juuzou nodded. He knew showing any empathy to a ghoul was probably a bad idea, but Mutsuki was cooperating for the most part. A book shouldn’t be too bad of an idea.

“Okay, Mutsuki. So… Aogiri. You said you were the one who destroyed all of our records of them?” Mutsuki nodded.

Juuzou brought a notepad, but he never used it. Mutsuki could already tell he was forced to take it, and it was obvious Juuzou was the type of person who didn’t listen to authority.

Black bangs fell into Juuzou’s pale face as he crossed his legs under him. “Alone? You had to have been with someone. We had quite a few people on the job that day.”

Mutsuki thought of Urie and Saiko. He hadn’t mentioned them at all. He didn’t plan on it either. If exposing Aogiri kept him alive, he’d do it. But not at the cost of their lives.

He shook his head. “It was just me. It was hard, but they wanted to see how I would do on my own.” Juuzou nodded.

“Understandable. You’re a new ghoul, huh?” Mutsuki nodded. “That’s strange. Weird science experiment.” Juuzou scratched his head.

“I guess I was,” shrugged Mutsuki. “I don’t know, it was all kind of a blur. Aogiri took me in.”

Juuzou played with the stitches on his arms. “I hope you don’t mind, I looked at your records.”

Mutsuki cringed. Great. “So… I’m assuming you know about my family?” Juuzou nodded.

“Yeah. It was pretty harsh.” Juuzou’s voice went higher, sounding kind of innocent, but in a sinister way. “Why’d you do it?”

Mutsuki shook his head. Why did he do it? The abuse. The discrimination. The torture. The trauma.

Juuzou blinked. “That’s okay. I’m just going to guess that you had a good reason.” Why was he being nice to him? He was a ghoul.

The boy traced his stitches now, running his finger over the very prominent red X’s that marked his body. “Do you know a ghoul by the name of Urie Kuki?”

Mutsuki felt his lungs tighten, and he almost stopped breathing. “No.” Juuzou gave him a look, like he didn’t believe him. “I don’t. I didn’t… talk to anyone there, really.” That wasn’t a lie. He only really talked to Urie and Saiko, occasionally some others, but very rarely.

They sat in silence for a minute before Juuzou spoke again. “One more thing… he said, rocking back and forth with his legs crossed. “The day we captured you… what was Aogiri’s goal?” Mutsuki shrugged.

“I honestly don’t know. Like I said last time, they didn’t tell me anything about it,” Mutsuki responded. “I don’t think they wanted me to really go anyway. I mean, look how it turned out.”

Juuzou stood, wrapping his fingers around his suspenders. “Okay, well. I think that’s it for right now. Enjoy the book.” He walked away, closing the door behind him. Mutsuki crawled near the glass for some light and began to read.

* * *

Two more weeks passed. Urie had been planning, thinking of ways he could go through with this. Saiko was ready, and he had actually gotten the help of one of the girl’s in Aogiri, Hinami. She forced Ayato to help too, so they had four people.

_ “I like Mutsuki. He’s sort of like me… in a way, I guess. He was nice to me.” She elbowed Ayato. _

_ “Hinami, are you insane?” Ayato scowled. She looked down. _

_ “Maybe, but what if it was me in there? What would you do then?” Ayato’s face went red as he rolled his eyes. _

_ “Fine. Fine. But you owe us big time for this, loverboy.” _

_ “Loverboy?” Urie asked. His tone stayed the same, but he was actually embarrassed. _

_ Ayato crossed his arms. “Did you think it wasn’t obvious?” _

_ “What, like how you’re definitely not obvious with Hin-” Saiko elbowed him. He rubbed his arm. “Okay, let’s just plan this out.” _

Four people definitely wasn’t enough to break into Cochlea. What he was doing was suicide, 100%. But he decided that for Mutsuki, it was worth it.

The four gathered in his room. “Listen,” Ayato began. “We’ve been planning this for hours, but with just us, we’d be fucked. I know some people who could help.”

Urie lifted his head. “Who?” Ayato huffed, crossing his arms.

“Possibly my sister, Kaneki, and my uncle. Banjou might even help.” Hinami’s eyes lit up. She sat on her knees, leaning forward a bit.

“Touka, Oniichan, and Yomo would be a good idea,” she said. “Oniichan is a one eye experiment, just like Mutsuki.” Urie had never met them, but if they would help, that didn’t matter. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”

Urie ran a gloved hand through his hand. “When can you ask them?”

Ayato shrugged. “Now, I guess? Touka doesn’t have a phone, but she owns a cafe in town. We could go there.” Urie nodded.

“Okay, perfect,” Urie said. He and the other’s stood, going over to the cafe. When they arrived, they were met with a girl who looked identical to Ayato. That must be Touka.

“Ayato,” she greeted him, drying a cup. “Hinami.” She smiled. She looked with question when she saw Urie and Saiko.

Ayato spoke first. “We need your help. Loverboy right here,” he pointed to Urie,    
“does anyway.”

Touka nodded slowly, looking up at Urie. “With… what exactly?” Her voice deepened at the last part. Ayato nudged Urie, pushing him forward.

He coughed, beginning. “Well, uh. We need to get into Cochlea.” Touka almost dropped the cup she was drying. Her mouth was agape.

“Crazy, right?” Ayato asked with a smirk, and Hinami kicked him in the back of the leg. “Ow!” Touka breathed in and then out through her nose.

“Why?” was all she asked. Urie put his hands in his pockets. 

“I need to rescue someone that I care about-”

“Someone he loves,” Saiko interrupted. He narrowed his eyes, but with a sigh, he agreed, nodding.

Urie stepped forward. “You don’t have to, of course. I just- he shouldn’t be there. I mean, he’s in a place full of ghouls, and he himself isn’t exactly 100% ghoul.” Touka looked with curiosity and slight interest.

“I know someone like that. He’s not here, but he’d help. I know he would.” She smiled. She knew how it felt for someone you loved to die, for someone you loved to be taken from you. Looking down, then back up with a smile, she said, “Okay, but, you need more people than just us.”

Ayato nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking of Yomo and Banjou too. Plus Kaneki, that would make seven.”

Touka nodded. “Mhm, that could work. Maybe even Uta or Tsukiyama?” Yomo walked in as they said that.

“Hey, Uncle Yomo. We got a favor to ask you.” He narrowed his eyes, but they explained everything to him. He actually agreed, and even agreed to ask Uta. Touka offered to ask Tsukiyama.

Urie felt so… grateful. He didn’t even know these people. But they were so willing to help him. They were good people with good intentions. Unlike Aogiri Tree, who was just so ready to leave Mutsuki behind.

The bell on the door rang, and in walked a man with white hair. “Kaneki,” Touka smiled. “I need to ask you something."


	6. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sprinting, running. He had to get to Mutsuki now. Now. He was way ahead of the others now, running to the place they agreed to all meet. Mutsuki sat under a tree, his head leaned against the cold bark. He sighed. Urie… He heard the crumbling of leaves, making his head jolt up. Then he saw him, bloody, sweaty, but it was him.

Juuzou hadn’t come in a week. It was strange that he had taken so long when he had been interrogating him at least every two days.

The cell filled with light, and Mutsuki sat up, expecting Juuzou. But it wasn’t Juuzou.

“Hello, Mutsuki,” said a voice. It was weird, a little strange. It was almost like the person had a lisp, but it was worse. He didn’t know how to explain it.

The man walked up to the glass. He was, for the most part, bald. The left side of his face was scarred from the top of his head down to his chin, and his lip was disfigured. He assumed that’s why his voice sounded so strange.

The sight of the man scared Mutsuki. Juuzou hadn’t mentioned him or anything. The man didn’t stop at the glass, he opened his cell, stepping inside.

“I’m Goumasa Tokage,” he said. Mutsuki huddled in his corner, gripping onto the book he had gotten from Juuzou. He had almost finished it.

Tokage circled the room, making his way closer to Mutsuki. “I heard you’ve been very cooperative.” Mutsuki did nothing. Said nothing. He was afraid, fearful for his life right now.

Light once again made its way into the cell, and Tokage stopped right in front of Mustuki. Juuzou peeked through the glass, then opened the cell door, coming inside himself.

“What do you think you’re doing, Tokage?” Juuzou kept his expression flat. He furrowed his eyebrows, and coming from Juuzou, it almost looked like a child throwing a tantrum.

Tokage chuckled. “I was just gonna show our little ghoul here the way things are-”

“The way you do things isn't right. You’ve been relieved of your duty as a guard here, remember?” A smile crossed Juuzou’s face. “So please, leave.” Tokage glowered at him, mumbling something.

“Defending a ghoul, Suzuya? Sounds like you.” Tokage huffed, walking out of the cell block. Juuzou followed.

“It’s not defending him, but torture… it isn’t right.” Juuzou took one last look at the huddled figure in the corner, then closed and locked the door, pushing Tokage out.

Mutsuki could feel his breathing get heavier.

* * *

They decided to break into Cochlea in one week. They were ready. They had gathered a whole team, even convincing Tsukiyama to join, but not Uta. They had eight people, eight powerful ghouls.

Urie was standing at the desk in his room, going over the execution of the plan in his mind. “(Just a little longer, Mutsuki.)

The door to his room opened, and he expected it to be Saiko or Hinami, but it was Torso. What was that bastard doing here?

“I heard you’re going to save Tooru,” he said. Urie glared at him, not saying a single word. Torso walked in further. Urie’s kagune activated.

“Don’t step any closer.” Torso put his long arms in the air. Urie didn’t for a second take his eyes off of the man. The way he looked at Mutsuki that day. It was unsettling, and his feelings about him ever since were just anger.

“Let me go too!” the man exclaimed. A smile crossed his face. “I want to help Tooru. I need to see her-”

Urie stepped closer, his kagune still out. “You don’t go near him. Don’t fucking touch him.” Torso’s smile disappeared, instead he frowned.

“There’s no need for threats, Urie. I’m sure she-”

“He,” Urie corrected him, his glare growing more and more intense and filling with rage. Urie stepped closer until he was so close that he could kill him right there, right now.

“You’re not going. You aren’t helping. And when we bring him back, you won’t go anywhere  _ near  _ him. Don’t even look at him.” Urie had stepped so close that he had backed Torso out of his room. “Or I’ll kill you on sight.”

He slammed the door, his kagune disappearing. What a creep. He was unhinged, and there was definitely something wrong with the guy. Mutsuki was uncomfortable with him from the moment he saw him.

He sighed, sitting at the edge of his bed, rubbing his temples. Mutsuki… one more week. We’re going to get you out of there.

The week felt long and grueling. Urie was getting impatient, and Saiko had to remind him not to be an idiot.

Urie just hoped he was okay and that they hadn’t hurt him. Please, Mutuski.

“Uri,” Saiko popped her head in his room. He lifted his eyebrows, looking down, to show he was listening. “Tatara wants to see you.” Shit.

* * *

“You’re going to take my people and save someone as pathetic as Mutsuki? He’s weak, Urie. He means nothing to this group.” Tatara’s voice sounded calm, as it always did, but he knew he wasn’t happy.

Hinami and Ayato stood behind him, Hinami bit her lip. Ayato could tell she was about to say something, so he nudged her and gave her a look, shaking his head slightly. She frowned.

“He’s not useless. He is important to the group, to me.” Urie gritted his teeth. “Mutsuki is shy and needs practice, but I know he has potential. You just think if someone starts out weak, they aren’t worth it.”

Hinami shot Ayato a glance, and she spoke. Ayato tried to stop her, but she stepped forward. “I’m weak. I am, and I know that. Ayato started weak. Everyone is always weak before they become strong.” Hinami’s face looked angry, but it also had a soft expression to it. Only she could pull that off.

“Yes, and if it was you there, we’d leave you too,” Tatara said, and it made Ayato spring forward. Hinami grabbed his arm, pulling him back and making him stop. He groaned, giving Tatara an angry look.

Hinami pulled him toward the exit. He gaped at her, but Urie nodded at him. “Let’s just go, Ayato.”

Tatara chuckled. “You’re all going to die, and so will Mutsuki.” Urie turned to slowly look at Tatara. Urie believed - no, he knew - that they weren’t going to die. He knew he could save Mutsuki.

“We’ll see about that,” Urie said, his drudging voice not changing tone, but the anger was clearly there. He turned around, casting a glance at Hinami and Ayato before walking out of the room.

Mutsuki knew he was going to die here. That much was obvious because there was no way to escape. Cochlea, it’s guarded and well protected. This was his fate, and he had accepted that.

But when he heard the alarm go off, the loud, high pitch scream and red flash of it, he knew something was up. Then he heard the guards.

“Cochlea’s been attacked! Ready your quinques!” The other guards yelled. Mutsuki walked up to the glass, pressing his face against it. Cold. The sirens were loud and echoed off the glass.

He had no idea what was going on. Maybe it was Urie, but there was also a chance that it wasn’t, and the thought of just that made Mutsuki’s heart sink.

Urie and the others were all gathered around Cochlea, and for the most part, spread out. Ayato, Hinami, and Kaneki had already broken their way in, alerting the guards. It gave Urie and the rest a way in, all coming from different parts of the building.

Urie, Saiko, Touka, and Yomo all ran in, eventually meeting each other halfway. Tsukiyama and Banjou were all the way on the other side of the building, helping to eliminate as many guards as they could, to give the others a chance.

When Urie and the other three were together, they were met with a female investigator. She spoke into a communicator.

“This is Mado. We have ghouls in the left wing of the building. I’m going to need backup.” Through the static, it replied something Urie couldn’t make out.

The investigator, Mado, readied her quinque. Touka, who was in front of Urie, backed up a little. “Go,” she said. “We’ll hold her off. The cells should be just down there.” She moved her head to show that they were behind him.

Urie nodded, backing up, the breaking into a run. Mado spoke into her communicator again. “Suzuya, there’s one coming your way.”

Running as fast as he could, he made his way to the place that, hopefully, held Mutsuki. Hell, he didn’t even know if Mutsuki was-

No, he couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t- then something slashed his arm, and he was met with an investigator with black hair.

“Suzuya,” he said. His kagune activated, readying to fight. Juuzou chuckled, his childish demeanor seeming to break slightly.

“Urie,” he smiled, the stitches under his lips lifting slightly. “What are you here for? I thought Aogiri didn’t care about each other.” He leaned against his quinque.

Although Juuzou couldn’t see it through his mask, Urie lifted his eyebrows. “Just like the CCG,” he said. “We don’t even have to fight, Suzuya. I just want Mutsuki.”

Juuzou raised an eyebrow. “Mutsuki? I knew he was lying.” The boy sighed, raising a stitched hand to grab the handle of his quinque. He knew he shouldn’t do this. There was nothing special about Mutsuki, only that Juuzou had spoken to him. And he had felt himself relating to him, feeling bad for him. It was out of character for him to feel bad for a ghoul.

But he did. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. He stepped to the side, making Urie cock his head. Juuzou made a motion toward the cells and mouthed “go.”

Urie was shocked. Why was Juuzou helping him? This made no sense.

He didn’t want to question it, he just needed to get to Mutsuki. Now.

Juuzou spoke again. “I’m not going to help you, but I’m not going to stop you either. Get Mutsuki out of here, he doesn’t belong here.” Urie started forward, thinking maybe it was a trap. He walked backward once he passed Juuzou, and when Juuzou was out of sight, he turned around and sprinted.

Mutsuki saw the door open once again, guessing that, maybe, it was Juuzou. But it wasn’t, and when he was met with that same mask he had seen on missions before, he ran up to the glass.

“Urie,” he said. Urie ran to the glass, looking for the way to open the cell door. Mutsuki pointed. “The keys,” he said. “They’re over there.”

He grabbed them, unlocking the cell. “(You’ve lost so much weight.)” he thought. Mutsuki pulled him into a hug, Urie quickly hugging him back. Pulling away, he said, “We have to go,” and Mutsuki nodded in agreement, following Urie out of the room.

Juuzou was gone when they ran down the hall, and he assumed he had gone to help his fellow squadmates. However, he was gone, so Urie really didn’t care where he was.

As they ran, they saw something in front of them. It was Ayato, Hinami, and Kaneki. When they all met, Hinami smiled as she saw Mutsuki behind Urie.

“Where’s Touka and the others?” Ayato asked. Urie pointed forward.

“That way,” he said. “She told me to go. Tsukiyama and Banjou, are they ready?” Hinami nodded. “Okay.” He turned to Mutsuki. “Hinami’s taking you to them.”

Mutsuki opened his mouth to protest, but Urie had already turned to Hinami. “Ready?” he asked her, and she nodded. She shot a small smile at Ayato, then turned to Mutsuki.

“Come on, they’re this way.” Mutsuki followed her out, looking back at Urie. He sighed.  _ Stay safe, Urie. _

Hinami and Mutsuki, shockingly enough, reached the other end of the building with Tsukiyama and Banjou easily. “We got him,” Hinami said to Banjou, and he smiled. Mutsuki had no idea who these people were besides Urie, Ayato, and Hinami.

Why were they even here to help? Did they know Urie? Why were they all risking their lives for him?

It surely didn’t make sense. He felt a small hand on his boney shoulder, realizing just then he had spaced out. “Hey, are you okay?” Hinami asked. Mutsuki didn’t respond but gave her a quick nod.

“Is Urie going to be alright?” Hinami smiled at him, the hand on his shoulder squeezing slightly.

She nodded at him. “Of course he is,” she said. “Now, we have to go. Investigators could be here any second.” Mutsuki was hesitant but headed forward, following the three out of the building and into a patch of woods. They were in the clear right now, but investigators would be here soon, looking for them.

But they had to wait for the others.

Urie and the rest fought off investigator after investigator, wounding some, but not killing them. They didn’t care about killing any of them, they just needed to get out. 

When new investigators were coming in to replace the wounded ones, Ayato found an opening, motioning them all to it.

They followed, taking out a few investigators as they did. Running, running, running. Damn, this place is big. “(Did Mutsuki make it out okay?)”

They found the opening that Ayato and Hinami had made when they first arrived. And they were almost out.

They heard a noise, a grunt, and it was Urie. The others turned back to help him, but he shook his head. “No. Go,” he said.

The investigator in front of him was no other than Juuzou Suzuya. The others ran out of the exit, leaving Urie alone.

“So you helped just to kill me?” Urie asked, his voice raising slightly. Juuzou chuckled.

“I just assume Mutsuki made it out okay. You’re not my concern.” Juuzou activated his quinque while Urie did his kagune. There was only one question on his mind though.

“Why did you help Mutsuki?”

Juuzou paused, but shrugged. “Dunno, guess I just liked him. I felt like I related to him.” Juuzou smiled a little, mostly to himself. “Anyway, enough chit chat.”

When the others reached Mutsuki, he felt like he was going to scream. Where the  _ hell _ was Urie?

Hinami and Ayato hugged each other, Ayato was just glad Hinami made it out okay. But Mutsuki wasn’t going to be happy.

Touka stood in front of him, looking down. “He’s still in there.”

Mutsuki lunged forward, determined to go help him. But Hinami held him back, Ayato helping her.

“You can’t,” Touka said. “We were told to get you out of here alive.” Touka looked into his eyes. “We’ll help him.”

Mutsuki felt tears in his eyes. No.  _ No. _

Urie and Juuzou were fighting, both of them not letting their guard down for a second. Juuzou slashed Urie through the abdomen with a knife, making him spit blood.

He fell to the ground, Juuzou standing in front of him, his quinque raised high above his head. Urie flinched, but spoke.

“What about Mutsuki?” he asked. Juuzou frowned.

“What about him?” he asked. Urie held onto his wound. Whatever made Juuzou help Mutsuki, he could use it against him.

“If you kill me, he’ll be-” but then Juuzou was jumping backward. Touka, Ayato, and Kaneki all appeared. Ayato fought him off more, making him fall to the ground. Touka helped Urie up.

“Come on, Ayato!” Kaneki yelled. He backed up slightly, then broke into a run. Juuzou didn’t follow. Urie’s wound was already healing, so he could run now, making his way to where Mutsuki was.

Sprinting, running. He had to get to Mutsuki now. Now. He was way ahead of the others now, running to the place they agreed to all meet.

Mutsuki sat under a tree, his head leaned against the cold bark. He sighed.  _ Urie… _

He heard the crumbling of leaves, making his head jolt up. Then he saw him, bloody, sweaty, but it was him.

Instantly, he stood. He was here, alive. Soon after, the others appeared behind him. Mutsuki walked up to Urie, his green eyes gleaming with tears from the moonlight.

“Urie,” he said, almost too quiet for him to hear.  _ Almost. _

A smile formed on his face, small, but Mutsuki saw it. They were face to face now, and the smaller boy wrapped his arms tightly around Urie, burying his face in his neck. He was crying because Urie was here, in front of him. And he was free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi, this is finally out. i'm starting to lose my motivation, so chapters might come out more slowly. but this will get finished :) also very ooc juuzou, but i felt it worked better with my story to do so


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